The Master and Margarita

Here is a copy of the Amazon review that I posted for this book (mainly added here to remind me to point the person who recommended the book to me to the review).

***

I had The Master and Margarita recommended as a literary classic and great. Unfortunately, I have been unmoved by it.

I have the Glenny translation suggested as superior by many of my fellow Amazon reviewers. I shudder to think what I would have made of the alternatives. While of course the English is well formed, I found the styles to be inconsistent and irritating. Unfortunately, I am unable to comment on the accuracy of the translation.

The bulk of the book was a confused mess. The vast majority of the characters were dragged out of nowhere for no particular reason and with no seeming point. Almost all of them were shallow and vapid. Yet this doesn't seem to be a constant fault of the author. He made one or two people come alive with the tiniest amount of effort. Some characters could be explicably empty, but some really missed a real existence to attach them to the reader.

This left the book hanging on to the story to redeem itself to me. Which is a shame as although there are some events that happen one after the other, there isn't much of a point to them. There is nothing more than a series of ideas strung out after each other with little connection or intent. Some individual scenes are magnificent in their potential, but wasted in this setting.

The political satire is well formed, and for me drags the book to two stars rather than one.

I can only assume that I have totally missed the point and that when I come to read The Master And Margarita again in twenty years time I shall go 'oh, so that is what he was trying to say'. For now, I shall stick to Pasternak and Dostoevsky for my Russian literature; they may be much harder work but at least there is reward for the effort.

Noah, an alternative history

"Noah?"

"Yes, my love?"

"You know you sent out a dove again? Was it the same one?"

"I don't think so dear. Why?"

"Well, I have been counting the doves and they all seem to be there. Do you know what sort it was?"

"One of the greyish-white ones; bigger than the others."

"Noah, all of the doves are the same sort of size."

"You know, the big ones, likes fish."

"I did happen to visit the sea birds earlier. One of the albatrosses was missing. You didn't send out an albatross instead of a dove did you?"

***

"Noah?"

"Yes God?"

"You know I asked you to send out another dove? I seem to be having some trouble with it."

"Really Lord?"

"I don't like to spoil the surprise, but I was intending to have it fetch an olive leaf; a bit of symbolism you understand."

"Ah."

"I pointed the dove in the right direction and suggested to it to pluck a leaf."

"Yes Lord?"

"It seems more inclined to pull the whole sapling out of the ground."

"Oh?"

"It isn't a dove, is it Noah?"

"No Lord."

"It is an albatross, isn't it Noah?"

"Yes Lord."

"I really do despair of you people at times."

Royal Mail

I have recently discovered that the Royal Mail offer an on-line postage printing service. You can buy postage for the basic services, print off an address slip or label on your printer and stick it on your post.

It seems to work well and is genuinely useful. It certainly saves having to walk to the Post Office as much.

E-mail to Amazon

I have been growing increasingly irritated by Amazon and the changes they have made to their interface, in particular the use of information about Marketplace items. So I wrote an e-mail to them:

Comments:Dear madam/sir,

Whilst I have been very impressed with the redesigned search and item list interface, there is one issue that makes it at times almost unusable. A large number of categories are filled with Amazon Marketplace items. These items make it very hard to find genuine Amazon stock, often requiring that I look through several pages of items to find one that is relevant.

On a related note, the Wishlist shows prices not of Amazon stock, but of Marketplace items. Thus to discover how much an item will cost, I need to view the individual item page for each item rather than having the information displayed in a simple list as the Wishlist concept would seem to imply.

I have searched high and low through my account preferences, through the relevant screens, and through the on-line help but can find no suggestion of how to exclude Marketplace items from searches or the Wishlist.

I have no interest in buying second-hand items from sources who will never be able to match the reliability or trustworthiness of Amazon. I wish to buy first-hand stock from Amazon, yet the recent interface changes seem to make this strangely difficult.

Yours sincerely,

******

Their response was as follows:

Dear Customer

Thank you for contacting Amazon.co.uk.

We appreciate that you've taken the time to send us your suggestion. I have passed along your comments to our developers; customer feedback like yours is essential in helping them determine what additional features our visitors and customers want most.

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.co.uk.

Sausages

One aspect of food packaging has irritated me for some time. Most packaging comes with a 'serving suggestion' picture on it. These pictures fall into one of four categories.

One: Not irritating; and thus not interesting.

Two: The lovely. These pictures show an item of culinary delight which includes the ingredient inside the packaging. Unfortunately, the packaging does not include a recipe indicating how the contents become the whole dish or what other items are required. This is more of a disappointment than an irritation.

Three: The self-evident. The tub of ice-cream with a picture of two scoops of ice-cream in a bowl with a spoon. Well I was hardly going to eat it off of the floor, was I?

Four: The imbecilic. I recently purchased some Sainsbury's Taste The Difference pork and bramley apply sausages. They are very nice sausages, as are all in that range, I thoroughly recommend them.

On the packaging is the inevitable serving suggestion picture. The way in which the designers recommend eating six pork sausages is thus: A bramley with a sprig of sage. That is correct, the serving suggestion for a packet of sausages does not include any sausages.

I can quite understand wanting to put a picture of a bramley apple on a packet of sausages which have bramleys in them. That would be logical and a sensible way of decorating these sausages. Putting the words 'serving suggestion' on this picture does not do anyone any good.

Just in case you missed my point above: The serving suggestion for a packet of sausages. Does not. Include. Any. Sausages.

This is absurd. Completely absurd.