Cathartic One

My mood seems level yet there is a block. I can't take action towards going to work. The long stretches of time behind the desk are terrifying. The visits and calls of people are moments of panic. Yet I know that I can deal with the people. I know that there is plenty of work to fill the time. Yet I am still blocked. Ever act seems so hard, yet it doesn't feel hard. It is odd not having the old angry mood to accompany these thoughts. That seemed more reasonable to give in to. This is just me trying to skip my responsibilities. But why am I so thwarted? I know me when I am being selfish and lazy; and this isn't me. Or am I trying to justify my laziness behind a believable excuse? I knew this would happen when I took my first sick day. Today am I really ill or just taking advantage?

I had hoped that writing this would have washed it out of me, or made the honest answer clear.